My Personal Testimony of Salvation
I've always liked this photo! It's about 10 years ago.
Nineteen years old and sobbing! What nineteen-year-old guy cries in front of anyone, let alone his dad and stepmom?! But that was the day everything changed!
I grew up in San Diego, CA, but when my parents divorced, my sister and I moved with my dad to start a “new life” on the East Coast. It was plain awful. From sunny So-Cal to the cold winter of Maryland, sixteen and depressed, and desperately wanting to be somewhere else, I had to go to a new high school.
Quickly my grades dropped because of depression, and although I found some new friends, drugs and alcohol were at the center of all our lives.
Yet somehow, I made it through high school and graduation. On my graduation day, a salesman knocked on my family’s home and demonstrated a Kirby vacuum. We only had hardwood floors, but this guy wasn’t going to take no. This salesman's resolve to convince us to buy it lit a fire in me. His presentation drove my pride and ego to say, "I can do that better."
My dad thought it was crazy and left the room, but I asked about training, and signed up!
Soon I was selling Kirby’s everywhere and making use of my gift to sell anything to anyone. I relished the challenge and did very well. With the money I made, I had more friends, alcohol, and drugs. My best friend from California called me around that time and we moved in together into an apartment.
For months, I worked and practically lived with the other Kirby salesmen. Selling vacuums, staying out late, drinking, and doing drugs. The money was exceptional, but the pace and lifestyle that I was living were crazy. After nine months in the express lane, there was one night when everything shifted. I was on some pills (speed) that I just picked up and did my best Kirby vacuum cleaner sales pitch ever... I was ready for a huge sale, but they didn’t bite. I was shocked. It rattled me. If I did what I thought was my very best, but it wasn’t good enough, what then? That thought kept bugging me.
That was the beginning of three months of ‘the great humbling’. I barely had any sales, constant arguments with co-workers, and then my best friend and roommate freaked out, having weird transcendental experiences in our apartment.
Life was going downhill fast. The worse thing, which started gripping me, was I could not, no matter how hard I tried, succeed. Everything I attempted to do FAILED. I would give it all my strength and all of me was not good enough. I felt as if something did not want me to ever win or finish something. I knew that I was helpless on my own; I was not strong enough. Amid deepening depression, an argument broke out in the office at my work, and my boss chewed me out. In effect, I was told I wasn't good enough, and all my efforts were in vain. I was humiliated and spoken of as a nobody in a few brief exchanges...
My soul died that day....
I worked half a mile from my parent’s home, where I occasionally visited and got advice, though I never listened. That short distance was the longest walk I have ever taken. Crying, I realized that I was a failure and a loser in the world. I had nothing, no future, no real education, only a high school diploma in a world that wants degrees. I had no money, car, true friends, and no real job. I felt at the lowest place in my life. I was a nobody, and I knew it. The reality hit so hard, that I mentally and physically could not go on. I don't know how I made it to my parent's home, but I walked in and sat on the couch. I hurt so deeply inside, anger, confusion, brokenness, anxiety, and hopelessness, are not good enough words to describe the level of worthlessness I felt inside.
My dad and my new stepmom came in from different directions and asked me what was wrong. I tried to clean up my face but eventually sobbed out the last couple of weeks of my life to them. In such despair, I heard my stepmom tell me that God had spoken to them three weeks previously about me, saying that something was going to happen to me soon. When I heard those words, all my abandonment, despair, rejection, worthlessness, loneliness, and burdens rose out of me, and a love so sweet and real, accepted me. I knew then that God loved and cared for me, and that He accepted me as I was. It wasn’t her words; it was the Presence of God.
A supernatural change occurred in me that moment, that brought such love and joy, where before there was only loneliness and despair. I was cared for, and I knew everything now would be fine. I felt none of the other feelings of the world I did a minute ago, but only His love, joy, and peace. God was in me, loving me. I felt like I floated back to work and quit my job while still crying over what just happened. A totally changed life stood before my boss, tears in my eyes, thanking him for his actions an hour before. Wow.
That was May 12th, 1994.
This is how I began to follow Jesus Christ. From that moment, I gave him all control and my life was his. It has been FULL of His love for me. You can experience what I did. Just pray, “Jesus, I give you my life, invade my space and let me experience your love for me.” His next step will change your life!
I grew up in San Diego, CA, but when my parents divorced, my sister and I moved with my dad to start a “new life” on the East Coast. It was plain awful. From sunny So-Cal to the cold winter of Maryland, sixteen and depressed, and desperately wanting to be somewhere else, I had to go to a new high school.
Quickly my grades dropped because of depression, and although I found some new friends, drugs and alcohol were at the center of all our lives.
Yet somehow, I made it through high school and graduation. On my graduation day, a salesman knocked on my family’s home and demonstrated a Kirby vacuum. We only had hardwood floors, but this guy wasn’t going to take no. This salesman's resolve to convince us to buy it lit a fire in me. His presentation drove my pride and ego to say, "I can do that better."
My dad thought it was crazy and left the room, but I asked about training, and signed up!
Soon I was selling Kirby’s everywhere and making use of my gift to sell anything to anyone. I relished the challenge and did very well. With the money I made, I had more friends, alcohol, and drugs. My best friend from California called me around that time and we moved in together into an apartment.
For months, I worked and practically lived with the other Kirby salesmen. Selling vacuums, staying out late, drinking, and doing drugs. The money was exceptional, but the pace and lifestyle that I was living were crazy. After nine months in the express lane, there was one night when everything shifted. I was on some pills (speed) that I just picked up and did my best Kirby vacuum cleaner sales pitch ever... I was ready for a huge sale, but they didn’t bite. I was shocked. It rattled me. If I did what I thought was my very best, but it wasn’t good enough, what then? That thought kept bugging me.
That was the beginning of three months of ‘the great humbling’. I barely had any sales, constant arguments with co-workers, and then my best friend and roommate freaked out, having weird transcendental experiences in our apartment.
Life was going downhill fast. The worse thing, which started gripping me, was I could not, no matter how hard I tried, succeed. Everything I attempted to do FAILED. I would give it all my strength and all of me was not good enough. I felt as if something did not want me to ever win or finish something. I knew that I was helpless on my own; I was not strong enough. Amid deepening depression, an argument broke out in the office at my work, and my boss chewed me out. In effect, I was told I wasn't good enough, and all my efforts were in vain. I was humiliated and spoken of as a nobody in a few brief exchanges...
My soul died that day....
I worked half a mile from my parent’s home, where I occasionally visited and got advice, though I never listened. That short distance was the longest walk I have ever taken. Crying, I realized that I was a failure and a loser in the world. I had nothing, no future, no real education, only a high school diploma in a world that wants degrees. I had no money, car, true friends, and no real job. I felt at the lowest place in my life. I was a nobody, and I knew it. The reality hit so hard, that I mentally and physically could not go on. I don't know how I made it to my parent's home, but I walked in and sat on the couch. I hurt so deeply inside, anger, confusion, brokenness, anxiety, and hopelessness, are not good enough words to describe the level of worthlessness I felt inside.
My dad and my new stepmom came in from different directions and asked me what was wrong. I tried to clean up my face but eventually sobbed out the last couple of weeks of my life to them. In such despair, I heard my stepmom tell me that God had spoken to them three weeks previously about me, saying that something was going to happen to me soon. When I heard those words, all my abandonment, despair, rejection, worthlessness, loneliness, and burdens rose out of me, and a love so sweet and real, accepted me. I knew then that God loved and cared for me, and that He accepted me as I was. It wasn’t her words; it was the Presence of God.
A supernatural change occurred in me that moment, that brought such love and joy, where before there was only loneliness and despair. I was cared for, and I knew everything now would be fine. I felt none of the other feelings of the world I did a minute ago, but only His love, joy, and peace. God was in me, loving me. I felt like I floated back to work and quit my job while still crying over what just happened. A totally changed life stood before my boss, tears in my eyes, thanking him for his actions an hour before. Wow.
That was May 12th, 1994.
This is how I began to follow Jesus Christ. From that moment, I gave him all control and my life was his. It has been FULL of His love for me. You can experience what I did. Just pray, “Jesus, I give you my life, invade my space and let me experience your love for me.” His next step will change your life!